fired.

christmas is over. here. over.

because all the good-will. and peace. and love. that comes with it. vanished today. right in the center aisle at costco.

all because i made her ride in the cart.

you would think that i was torturing her. making her eat mayo (she hates mayonnaise). taking away her barbies. telling her she isn't a real princess.

but no. i was just making her ride in the cart. it was crowded. we were in a hurry. she was running away.

so there. in the center aisle of our local costco. she did it.

she fired me.

her: "but i don't want to ride in the cart."

me: "but you will."

her: "but i'll stay right next to you. i promise."

me: "that's what you said last time."

her: "well. then. you are fired. mommy fired."

i have been fired.

the lady behind us. started laughing. loudly. she said. "run. run while you can!" her teenage daughters looked at her a little oddly. but she knew. she clearly knew. that this. this. was an opportunity. she said she'd go with me. this lady in costco.

oh how funny they can be.

i'll remind her that she fired me. perhaps when she's 16 and wants a car...

a bit fuzzy.

it's all a blur around here.

from the wonder.



to the sparkle.



to the glow.



to the glee.



hope yours was happy and merry, too.

peace and joy to you.

merry christmas. everyone.

hark the hearld angels. and shepherds.

sing.

the littles. so excited. christmas eve.

they love going to church on christmas eve. the story of the baby jesus. live animals. angels. and shepherds. kings. and babies. singing. candles. stars.

5 years ago. little one was actually the baby jesus. i was mary. and daddy was joseph. you see. in our church. the youngest baby is chosen to be the baby jesus in the christmas eve service. and she was it.

the sheep didn't cooperate that year as well as they did this year. but the kids this years were crazy. all of them. there was chaos. and wonder and oohs and aahs. just like in the movies. it was such fun.

she was an angel. with a black eye. he was shepherd. with a mean left arm.



and then. later. after presents and dinner at gram and gramps. they left cookies.




that santa loves. perhaps he will show up tonight.

two holidays.

in our house we celebrate the season twice. christmas. and hanukkah.



tonight before a night out with my parents and brother and wife. we celebrated a night of hanukkah.

the littles are awed. by the lights. the candles. the stories that daddy tells them. and of course. of course the presents.

seven nights.

today.

christmas shopping. well not shopping, so much. just looking. and trying to wrap up a few things for the holidays. a day out on the plaza. no littles. a little vino with lunch. fun with the other yulie. and this seemed to sum up the da for me...

"like so many americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops." - kurt vonnegut.

round and round.

he could. he really could.

sit there.

for hours.

watching it go.

round and round.

watching.

and saying "chooooo chooooo".


all day.

maybe we should leave this up all year.

the big guy.

the littles visited the big guy - or christmas lap - as little two calls him. today.

to tell him what they desired.

him: a choo choo and cooking.

her: a barbie.

easy enough.

they sat on his lap.



there was no drama. no screaming. just wide-eyes. and awe.

it's lovely how a man with a big white beard and red suit. can inspire such calm and quiet and awe and wonder. amazing.

really. i mean really.

why? do you sometimes just wonder why?

what did i do? why?

me: working on trying to get one of my holiday gifts done. 5 days to go. and counting.

her: complete quiet.

me: wondering what could be happening.

her: "mommy i need some help." "i'm five now, but i need some help." (apparently at five you can do everything.)

her: "NOW!"

me: xsklhdfl! (to myself). i could only imagine what had happened.

her: "i was just changing his diaper. and he tried to help."

me: "what?" it wasn't really registering apparently. as i dashed up the stairs.

her: "it's ok mommy" "it was just an accident he had".

me: thinking there "are no accidents."

i turn the corner to his room. the smell is overwhelming. the wipes are EVERYWHERE. an entire new box. scattered. and dirty. EVERYWHERE. he is laying on the floor in the middle of it. and i mean the middle of it.

i won't bore you with the gory details. the 30 minutes of clean up, the clothing and bedding change. the wipe down of the wall.

but i don't remember this being in the job description.

handsome.

her: "why, you."

him: "what madewhine?"

her: "why you. i like your look."

him: grinning.

her: "so handsome. just so handsome."

where do these things come from??

the house without a christmas tree.

is no more.

the tree is finally up. i say finally. because. it's a two day process for me. a two day decorating process. that is.

a day of stringing lights. wrapping each branch. 13 strands later. 1300 lights. it was done.

and a day of hanging ornaments. finding the perfect place. i don't know why i'm so obsessed with this. but. i am. just the way it is. each is special.



and so. we are not. the house without a christmas tree. which by the way. i loved when i was not so old. loved the book. loved the movie.

and now. it is up. and decorated. and the littles have been warned. warned not to touch. because. the husband thinks. the tree should be insured. yes. insured. probably not a bad idea. what can i say? i collect.

and the train is running underneath. and hopefully that. will keep them amused.

songs.

i love christmas music. i love listening to it in the car. on the ipod. at the gym. at home. i love to sing along. however. i do not like listening to it before thanksgiving. i can't stand that radio stations here, start playing it right after halloween. it seems.

but now it is december. i can listen all month. i used to drive a co-worker crazy listening to it. she still reminds me of it...:).

so here's my list. my top 10..well top 9.. list of favorite christmas songs.

9. aspenglow...john denver (of course)

8. do they know it's christmas...bandaid

7. when my heart finds christmas...harry connick, jr.

6. have yourself a merry little christmas

5. i'll be home for christmas...bing crosby

4. christmas canon...trans-siberian orchestra

3. what child is this

2. breath of heaven

1. song for a winter's night...sarah machlachlan

some days.

are just like that.

i overslept.

it was 6 degrees when i left the house.

people were poking along.

i was late for work.

the littles forgot their hats and mittens. i got a lecture from my mom.

i almost ran out of gas, because i despise going to the gas station. an unnecessary evil.

it was monday.

there are only 10 days until christmas. 5 until hannukah.

but despite that.

despite the bitter cold.

i got a lovely email from a friend.

i had a nice conversation with with a best friend.

little one had fun at a birthday party.

i got two orders done and delivered.

i got the christmas tree up (well sort of).

we had carolers come and sing to us at our door tonight.

so somedays. somedays. don't seem so good. but turn out good.

a christmas miracle.

the elf on the shelf that has been living with us this christmas.

left the other night. he decided that the littles had not been good. too naughty. waaaaay to naughty. so he disappeared. went back to be with santa. where the living is good. where littles don't do bad things. things that get you coal for christmas. things that get you day-long time-outs.

but apparently he thought. something. something had changed. that they decided they did want christmas after all. that presents did sound better than time-outs.

the elf, who we fondly refer to as flip. returned.

"it's a christmas miracle!" she exclaimed this morning when she saw him.

"a christmas miracle mommy!"

"just like hesus!" mommy he said.

they were so amazed. and actually i was, too. perhaps santa was feeling charitable. perhaps santa had a little too much cheer at the holiday party. perhaps he was tired of time-out. perhaps flip had been corrupted by the littles and didn't fit in with the elves anymore. perhaps flip was too much for santa now...but santa. santa sent flip, the elf. back. to our house.

"a true. christmas miracle." i said. "it is a true christmas miracle." what else could i say?

germs.

we're all about germs these days.

ever since she finally realized that germs make you sick.

"don't touch that! it's mine. it has my sick germs on it!"

"don't drink that! it has my sick germs in it!"

whether we are sick or not. though we are still sick. all of us. sinus infections. colds. new teeth. sick. sick. sick.

but we drudge on. i have volunteering to do today. we have a holiday party tonight.

and work to complete and decorating to do.

but we should be buying stock in kleenex and nyquil.

found!!

i found them.

what you ask?

little two's glasses. i say.

after ripping the house(s) and cars apart. calling. searching. pleading and bribing. i found them. today.

under a chair. i know i looked there. know i did.



but there they were. all twisted and turned and manhandled. and sticky and smudged.

but there they were.

in all their glory.

and after a little elbow grease and cleaner. they were back on his little face.

and he was none. too. pleased.

gone.

oh where? oh where? oh where have you gone?

i spent a huge amount of time today searching. searching.

for a two year old's glasses. they seem to have just disappeared into thin air. thin air. gone. poof! vanished.

and when i ask. i get a silly grin and a shrug of the shoulders with hands up. and this. "gone bye-bye, mommy. gone bye-bye."

so i seek them out. under the beds. the couch, the chairs. in the closets. the cupboards. the trash cans. in the toy chests, the play houses. the cars and trucks and trains. in the cars. in the coats and hats and mittens. everywhere.

and they are gone. gone. gone.

but. i am determined. i shall find them.

they shall return.

the opthamologist and her nurses asked. prodded. bribed. the same silly grin and shrug.

they got the picture. they laughed, but they got the picture...

but she said he must wear them. so it's either find them or fork over too much $$$ to get a new pair. that shall be lost, too. i'm sure.

ick.

i'm out. done. under the weather.

sinus infection.

again.

i feel lousy.

no creativity. no spark. no wit.

Sick
by Shel Silverstein

"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

but really. ick. i'm sick.

noise.

this is probably old news to some. but i just heard about it today. a colorado judge has decided that noise ordinance violators will be forced to listen to barry manilow. yes. barry manilow. for an hour. apparently he thinks this will teach people a lesson. i think it's hilarious.



i loved barry when i was a kid. and when i grew up (sort of) i had a client once, that loved him. i mean loved him. she would have given her first born to him. she played his music. traveled the country to see him. had all his albums. memorabilia. she was all about barry manilow.

and now. he's the one. the one a judge has decided will be the most punishing for noise ordinance offenders. barry manilow. really? i can think of some that would be worse.

jessica simpson
britney spears
"muskrat love" - captain and tenille
celine dion
air supply
"achy breaky heart" - billy ray cyrus

just to name a few. what would your punishment be?

singing out loud. part 2.

so tonight continued our musical journey. towards christmas. the annual pre-school christmas program.

this year. little one was picked for a speaking part. i was nervous. everytime we practiced she forgot what she was going to say. everytime i asked her what she was going to say she would tell me, "mommy i don't know." or "i'm not going to say anything." i had bad visions dancing through my head. bad. bad. visions.

she trotted in. waved. jumped up and down. and sang her little heart out. she had fun with her friends. smiled and laughed. and then it was her turn. she walked right over to the microphone and said her line. with great intonation. every word. perfectly. i was so proud. and afterwards she said "i can't remember what i said, mommy." of course not. and then she twirled. because she's five and she can do that.

singing out loud. part 1.

i love that my littles love to sing. and belt it out. believe me. they belt it out.

tonight was our carols ring and sing at church. all the kid's choirs and bell choirs took part. little one was so excited. she wore her "fancy" christmas outfit. that's what she called it. all day long she asked. "is it time?" "is it time to put on my skirt and twirl?" you see she was most excited that it twirled. we're all about the twirl. and she couldn't wait to get there. to sing out loud. she said.

and she did. she was so good. singing. smiling at the audience. waving. twirling.

"can we do that again? tomorrow?" she asked? and i actually said yes. "tomorrow". because tomorrow is another pageant...

the meaning.

of the season.

i love volunteering at christmas time. i do it every year. it's not forced. or because i should. i do it because i love it. i love the way i feel afterwards. the way it puts things in perspective. the sheer feeling of doing good.

today the other yulie and i worked at our county's christmas shop. i've worked there for over 18 years now. it still amazes me. the work involved. the organization, the number of people it serves. the joy it fills people with.

every year. i hear the same stories. the gratitude. the thankfulness. the wonder. the appreciation on both the clients and volunteers' parts. every year. people are humbled by one another.

i love it. we had a good time. we met some interesting people. heard some sad stories. some good stories. laughed and chatted. felt proud. and a bit embarrassed by what we have. what we don't really need. felt the need to simplify.

i don't mean to be preachy. i just always feel this way after i volunteer. it's easy to get caught up in my life. to forget. to not be aware. to take things for granted. but it was put into perspective last night. i just need to hang on to that.

5 things.

that i can live without. after being so "happy" in yesterday's post. it's time to get back to reality.

and besides. i'm stumped. i've seemed to run into a blog cramp. i'm not feeling inspired about things. at least not to write about....i'm sure it will pass. i just hope it happens. and soon.

so, 5 things. 5 things i can live without...

madonna. really. enough already.

beets. enough said.



grey's anatomy. i know. everyone loves it. but the whining. of ellen pompeo. makes me want to tear out my hair.

crocs. ugh. can't stand them. (sorry. just not a fan.) and my kids. when they wear them. they trip and fall for some reason. dangerous. i tell you. dangerous.

carrot cake. is this supposed to be a double entendre? seriously? carrots are a vegetable. cake is its own food group. do not combine. a good waste of both.

4 happy things.

a chat with an old friend.

suite seats at the mannheim steamroller (yes that's right) concert last tonight.

coffee with another friend.

littles eating cupcakes for breakfast. "they will make us grow big and strong mommy."

point taken.

today my friend julie, called to rant and rave (and i mean rant and rave - she's good at that - the kind where she talks non-stop for oh, say. 20 minutes, perhaps without stopping to taking a breath?).

her comment about facebook got the point across..."facebook is an un-needed, un-wanted, un-necessary bearer of all kinds of ouija board kinds of troubled craziness, not to mention that it's stupid".

enough said.


"facebook....a ouiga board of troubled craziness."

trees.

i love this tree.

simple.

wanting.

needing.

i wish i could find a tree like this for our christmas tree this year. well. ok. not quite so bare. (not at all that bare.) but hole-y. yes hole-y.
my ornaments display better in holes, you see. and trees like this. well. they don't ever get to fulfill their christmas destiny. and that is sad. just plain sad.

disturbed.

i love shopping. i love shopping.

let me get that straight. but i also dislike. no wait. can't stand. shopping on the day after thanksgiving. i never go. never. i would rather eat beets. and i hate beets.

i know there are deals. but i also think these deals are not worth getting up at 3 am for. waiting in crowds. like dogs for a few dollars off. so i will never. never go out on the day after thanksgiving.

i will wait to spend my money later.

but what happened on friday in new york at a wal-mart. is disturbing. disturbing. a worker was crushed to death by a mob of rabid shoppers. seriously...?...yes. seriously. i'm sure you've heard. who thinks they're going to be killed by shoppers? shoppers after tvs and dvds and mp3 players. sweaters and toys. someone taken out by these people. and then after they discovered that someone had been killed. and they were asked to leave. were angry. angry that they couldn't shop.

seriously? were they still drunk on turkey and stuffing? do they not understand what happened?

i have been disturbed by this. i feel horrible for this man's family. an innocent job. killed by rabid shoppers. what has become of us?